Speaking to an attractive girl can seem intimidating and downright scary… especially if it’s not something you’re used to doing. First of all… what do you say? How do you keep the conversation going? And how can you make a relatively good impression… or at least avoid looking like a complete moron?
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered! All you need to do is grasp a few key principles and understand how to apply them, and you’ll be comfortably chatting away with beautiful women in no time!
#1: Understand that conversation is a sport
The idea of having and carrying a conversation may seem like a completely foreign concept to you (especially if you’re a man of few words), but once you understand that it’s really no different to a game of tennis, you’ll be able to navigate it with ease.
AS YOU ALREADY KNOW: In tennis, two players hit the ball back and forth. Player 1 serves, and player 2 hits the ball back. The point is to keep the ball going back and forth.
Picture yourself and a pretty lady as the players, and words as the ball. All you have to do is keep words (the ball) going back and forth.
Keeping the words going back and forth looks like this:
starts conversation ➡ listens to player 2’s reply
speaks ➡ listens
speaks ➡ listens
If at any point one of the players misses the ball (doesn’t know what to say) then one of the players need to serve (start a new topic) or end the game (know when to walk away).
#2: There are two ways to start a conversation
In the conversation game, when player 1 serves he is essentially starting a conversation by introducing a topic. It doesn’t really matter what the topic is, it’s how you introduce it that will determine it’s success.
The two ways to introduce a topic: Comment, or question.
When initiating a conversation or starting a new topic, you can either make an observational comment or ask a question. The key is to keep your observational comments and questions general and not too personal.
1) Make a comment
One of the easiest and least awkward ways to start a conversation or new topic is to make a comment or observation about your surroundings or a shared experience.
For example, you could make a comment about the game that happens to be playing on the TV at the bar you’re both at. Or comment on the price of avocados while you’re at the grocery store. Literally anything other than “So… nice weather we’re having” is good.
Good opening comment example: (Looking at the girl’s plate of food/drink next to you at the bar) “Oh man, that looks delicious!” (to the bartender) “I’ll have what she’s having!”
As simple as this sounds, it can work because it sounds natural and can open the floor up for a cheerful discussion about the food (a shared experience) without it feeling like you’re intentionally trying to hit on her. A comment about something general is good, so focus on your surroundings and find something to make an observation about. Anything too personal could make her feel uncomfortable.
Bad opening comment example: “Nice shorts.”
This doesn’t work so well because it’s 1) a dead-end question (there’s nowhere to go from there) and 2) it’s too personal and will make her feel self-conscious. Plus, she’ll probably think you’re either gay (because of your excellent taste) or trying to get into her shorts.
2) Ask a question
Asking a question is another easy way to start a conversation, but again you don’t want to ask anything too personal to start the conversation.
Good opening question example: “Is that the house red? Do you recommend it?”
A simple question asking if the drink or food she’s trying is any good, and if she recommends it does two things: It opens the floor up for a conversation, and it asks for her ‘expert opinion’… (more on that later).
Bad opening question example: “What’s your name?”
This is a super awkward way to initiate conversation because it’s so forward. You don’t want to go straight in for the kill by asking her name or number straight off the bat. You kinda need to warm up first and play the game a bit before trying to get that kind of information.
#3: There are 3 ways to continue talking about a topic
So you start the conversation with a question or comment… but what happens next?
First of all, you need to listen to what she is saying. If your mind starts wondering and you don’t listen to her, you won’t be able to give her an appropriate response.
An appropriate response could be:
1) a comment about what she’s saying
2) ask her a question about what she has said
3) Make a statement about something related to what she has said
While comments and observations focus more on something you’re both experiencing, statements are usually about your own opinions or experiences. Statements are a great way to respond to something the other person is talking about, but are not always the best way to start a conversation because they’re often too subjective and can come across as random.
#4: It’s not about what you say, it’s about how you make her feel
“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
There are four things you can do to make sure you leave her feeling safe (not threatened by you), good about herself and intrigued by you:
- keep the conversation light (avoid politics, religion, discussions about tragedies, etc)
- keep your comments positive (don’t be cynical or play victim)
- keep the topics general (don’t get too deep or personal in the beginning)
- keep your eyes on her face, and off her cleavage and butt… and keep your hands to yourself.
- ask her expert opinion
Asking her expert opinion…
Everyone loves to talk about the thing they are most knowledgeable about, so find out what her ‘thing’ is and get her talking about it. Then ask for her ‘expert opinion’ on the topic. Asking someone for their expert opinion makes them feel important and like they have something valuable to say. The last thing you want to do is make her feel like you’re only interested in her body. But if you’re asking for her opinion, it shows that you actually care about her as a person, and not just in getting her out of those shorts.
#5: Body language is key
So you might be feeling self-conscious, but you don’t have to show it. Your body communicates more than you realize, so make sure you communicate the right thing. You can communicate confidence even if you aren’t feeling it by:
- Making eye contact every once in a while (not all the time)
- smiling or laughing when appropriate.
- not fidgeting… if you need to do something with your hands then get a drink or something you can hold.
- Facing her… even if it’s just at a 45-degree angle. Don’t close yourself off by facing the wall or facing your back toward her. Open up your posture – like you would while playing tennis. You can’t possibly play the game well if you’re curled up in a little ball around your drink.
#6: Practice makes perfect
Remember, speaking with girls is exactly like playing a game of tennis (except you actually want her to hit the ball back every time). Practice make perfect, so start practicing every time you go out. Start a conversation with the cashier next time you’re at the store or with the barista next time you’re ordering a coffee (provided they are not too busy)… because every little bit of practice will help you to become more confident and comfortable when talking with girls.