Even though the saying goes ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’, most people (including you) would probably not invest your time or money in a book that has a particularly bad cover. If you’re on a first date with an attractive girl, then CONGRATULATIONS because you’ve already passed the initial cover test. She clearly finds you attractive enough to have agreed to that first date… But now it’s time to let her start reading the book that is you. A first date is like the first page of a book, and your pretty lady will decide after that one page whether or not she is interested in reading the rest of your book… so you better make it good! Sure, you may be nervous and unsure of what to do, but that’s exactly why I’m here!
I’m a huge advocate of the good guys, and it is my life goal to help you get the girl! Why? Because as a dating coach for both men and women, I know how often the good guys are overlooked because of a few rookie mistakes that are commonly made… especially on the first date!
So, let me guide you through these common first date mistakes that most men seem to make:
1) NO EFFORT IN PRESENTATION
The very first thing a woman will notice is how you present yourself. How you present yourself is like the cover you have chosen for your book. If it looks worn, torn, confusing or like chaos, people won’t want to read it.
And the same applies to you. You should be clean, your clothes should be clean, your breath should be fresh, and you should look neat, tidy and… appropriately dressed! Wearing crumpled grey shorts with egg stains on them paired with a cat-haired covered shirt that smells of sweat is NOT going to help you ace this date (yes, I have personally experienced this on a date). In fact, I should say that this will disqualify you from the game immediately.
Dress sharp, and put an effort into your hair, and wear deodorant. If you’re unsure how to ‘dress sharp’, then here are the 7 simple rules to follow:
- Fitted, long trousers. (clean)
- A semi-casual dress shirt that fits (clean)
- Closed-toe shoes (NOT CROCKS!)
- Neat hair
- Short fingernails
- Fresh breath
- Clean underwear
Your presentation also includes your car (if you have one). No, the car does not need to be an amazing top-of-the-range car, but it should be clean.
2) BEING LATE
I once agreed to a first date where we decided to meet at the entrance of the local cinema. The guy showed up 20 minutes late without a text, an excuse or apology. GUYS!
ALWAYS BE ON TIME, and if you are going to be late, then have the decency to let your date know in advance, and make it up to her by paying for dinner or a drink.
3) LACK OF RESPECT
There is nothing worse than going out with someone who is rude to the server, or anyone else for that matter. The moment you treat someone with disrespect (no matter who the person is), you will lose the respect of your date. Being disrespectful of others indicates a major character issue that most women do not want to have to deal with. The same goes for how you speak about your family, your friends, co-workers and yourself. If you are putting people down (even if it’s yourself), criticizing them or saying nasty things about them – well then, you can be fairly certain your date will not want to see you again. You can’t expect to be respected by your date if you don’t know how to respect others.
4) LACK OF CONFIDENCE
On that note, a man who constantly puts himself down is not humble, he’s insecure. Insecurity is not only unattractive, but it is an indicator that you have some stuff to work out before you are able to have a healthy relationship with someone. You can’t have a healthy relationship with another human unless you have a healthy relationship with yourself… ie: you need to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin. (Read: How to be Confident (Without Faking)
On the flip side, arrogance is just as unattractive – if not more so. Arrogance is not confidence… it is the belief that you are better than everyone else. True confidence is simply being able to feel comfortable in your own skin.
5) HUMOR THAT IS IN BAD TASTE
Making inappropriate jokes is not cool. Sure, a bit of dirty humor can be fun in the right context – but there is a line. On a first date you are still testing the waters and you don’t want to go plunging in with your penis jokes (It most likely won’t be appreciated).
Also, any kind of discriminatory or twisted humor is just not funny. Jokes that are at the expense of someone else are not okay. They just suggest that you are a jerk, and you ideally don’t want your date to think you are a jerk. So stay away from those completely.
However, worse than having bad humor is having no humor at all…. Actually, I’m still trying to figure out which is worse.
6) BAD CONVERSATION
Bad topics of conversation include (but are not confined to):
- Making the conversation all about you, and not about your date
- Anything too intense or deeply personal
- Anything too technical
- Anything where you find yourself droning on and on about one topic
- Drunken stories… or drug stories
- Anything too controversial
- Talking too loudly
- Interrogation questions (there needs to be a balance between comments and questions)
A GOOD conversation looks like:
- Asking your date questions about herself and her interests
- Finding common ground and DISCUSSING mutual interests (where BOTH people are talking)
Many women that I have coached have complained about having to sit through long lectures during first dates on dead boring topics like cement, bugs, and CUTS OF MEAT.
Don’t do that to your date.
It doesn’t matter if you’re an expert on making cement. She doesn’t care.
7) MONEY OBSESSED
When it comes to the check (or the ‘bill’) it’s a bit of a controversial topic. Do you pay, or do you split the check?
That’s for you to decide, but if you choose to pay then you can’t expect her to put out. Paying for a meal does not mean that your date owes you anything.
One of the least attractive qualities anyone can have is having a poverty mindset. I’m talking about the kind of person who is constantly fretting about every penny they spend, working out the check to the very last dime and who is always commenting on the prices of things.
I can’t even tell you how much of a turn-off this is to women everywhere. So don’t comment on the price of the meal she chooses, or freak out when the check arrives. If you’re worried about money, then choose a place you can afford… or don’t go out for a meal. There are other options available, like a walk, coffee or a picnic.
My personal favorite disaster-date check moment was when a date said to me “Oh, you’ll have to pay. I left my wallet at home.”
8) BAD ENVIRONMENT
All I’m saying is: Pick a nice environment. Not a rushed or stressed environment. It doesn’t have to be the most pricey or fanciest place, but a Big Mac or a KFC bucket is not going to help you win their heart.
Find out what she likes, but KNOW YOURSELF too (No one wants a rendition of Along Came Polly).
9) WANDERING EYES
Looking around and checking out other women while you are on a date is not okay.
Even if you think you’re being discreet.
Trust me, she will notice.
And she won’t be impressed.
10) CONSTANT TEXTING AND CHECKING YOUR PHONE
The number one way to make your date feel ignored and disrespected. Need I say more?
11) TRYING HARD TO IMPRESS
Trying too hard to impress usually has the opposite than intended effect. Try not to boast about all of your amazing achievements, or show off your incredible musical talents by serenading her with your harmonica. It really is off-putting. I once had a guy bend the cutlery of the restaurant into weird shapes in an attempt to prove his strength to me.
It didn’t work out.
Negativity is a natural human repellent. But worse, negatively commenting on your date’s appearance or her choice of food is the absolute worst thing you can do on a date.
THE. ABSOLUTE. WORST. I cannot stress this enough.
In fact, here are a list of comments you should never say to your date:
- Comments about her breast size
- Comments about her butt size
- Comments about her weigh
- Comments about her clothing or hair (unless you are telling her she looks good)
- Comments about her choice of food or drink
It is not okay to EVER make negative comments about your date’s body or about the fact that she ordered fries instead of a salad…