Maybe you’re with someone, or maybe you’re single and looking to meet someone. Maybe you even have a significant other, but you’ve met another woman who you just cannot seem to get out of your mind. But how do you know if she’s really as amazing as she seems, or if she is just bad news?
When someone has a hold over you, it’s often difficult to notice the warning signs until it’s too late. So before you get sucked in too far, make sure you are aware of these red flags. If she is showing even one of these signs, then run. If she is exhibiting signs of three or more of the following, then you might even be dealing with a sociopath or narcissist.
Here are some of the red flags to look out for:
She is flirty and provocative with everyone
It’s one thing to be flirty with one person, its another thing entirely to be like that with everyone. It’s behavior that wants one outcome: attention. A woman who wants to be the center of attention will do anything to get it. Her goal is to make every man fall for her so that she can feel good about herself. Even if she is in a relationship, she won’t stop flirting with other guys. She will post provocative pictures of herself online to make sure that she still has the attention of men within her reach. She depends on the attention and comments of men to assure her that she is the most attractive woman in the room. This is actually a sign of deep insecurity. She gets her sense of confidence and validation through the admiration of men. This is also a strong indicator that she may be very manipulative, so be careful!
She is often the most charming person in the room
Some people are naturally vivacious, bubbly and the life of the party. This is fine. However, there is a kind of woman who only turns her charm on for men. Again, this is attention-seeking behavior. She knows how to turn on the charm and keep every guy hanging on her every word. She will make you feel important and tell you what you want to hear. She uses body language and flirtation to add to the charm. She will most likely be center of attention, with a lot of men fighting to get her attention – and that is exactly how she wants it. Don’t be fooled into thinking that when she is in a relationship she will stop this behavior -she won’t. She gets her sense of self-worth from having every man in the room want her and making every woman in the same room feel threatened by her. She will use her charm to get everything she wants from you.
She has ‘stories’ about other guys
She has stories about how men have wronged her, and only has negative things to say about past relationships and partners. She always comes out being the victim in the stories of her past to justify her poor behavior. For example, she may tell you stories about how she left a past boyfriend without saying goodbye or how she dumped a guy the same day his grandmother passed away. She will probably tell you stories of how guys from her past are still obsessed with her and still beg her to come back. If she has done this, RUN!
She doesn’t have many girlfriends and ‘girls feel threatened by her’
She doesn’t really have girlfriends – and if she does, it’s no more than a handful. She will be the dominant personality in her relationships with other women (she is friends with ‘weaker’ women she can manipulate). She often talks down about other women (often including her friends) and tells you that other women feel threatened by her. This is not true – the real reason she doesn’t have girlfriends is because women can see right through her.
She doesn’t like it when another woman gets attention from you or anyone else – even if that woman happens to be your wife or girlfriend. She wants to be the star of the show, and the more challenging it is for her to get all of your attention, the more provocative and manipulative she will be – sometimes even discrediting your partner in subtle ways.
She is the ‘cool girl’ who doesn’t give a damn about anything.
She comes across as the ‘cool girl’… because she doesn’t care. Nothing really seems to phase her. She lets ‘men be men’ and doesn’t get upset when you grab her ass or make derogatory jokes or evaluations about women – or anything else for that matter. She leads you to believe that she is different from other women – that she is the one who won’t demand anything from you, nag you or be a ‘diva’. She comes across as a breath of fresh air, and men who have or have had demanding relationships are drawn to her because she is so refreshingly different to the life of responsibility they are used to. She usually likes ‘guy things’ like comics, Star Wars or cars and will use that as a big part of her allure. If you had to assess her properly, she would probably have ‘the mind of a 15-year-old boy’ with the body of a hot woman. She will be EVERYTHING YOU WANT HER TO BE: Sexy, laid-back, charming, have the same interests, and be sexually easy. She tries to convey that she has similar views on sex to most men – she likes to ‘keep things casual’ and ‘no strings attached’. However, you’ll probably realize later that she has strung you along the whole time, and will continue to do so for as long as she can.
She never lets you forget her
Even when she has moved on from you, she still likes to know that you are hung up on her. She may send you the odd message, or make sure you see her provocative pictures on social media. If you’re in a relationship and she can tell that your attention is moving on to someone else, she may even up her game a little. Don’t get confused – she doesn’t want you, she just wants you to be obsessed with her. She will string you along for as long as she can. She will let you think the door is still somewhat ‘open’, and doesn’t ever end things with you properly- so you never have a sense of closure. She may even keep coming back to you for the odd hook-up or meet up… this only means one thing: she’s using you to make herself feel good. She just wants you to be obsessed with her.
She distracts you with sex
If you’re having a bad day and want to talk about it, instead of listening she distracts you with sex. If you want to talk about something serious or something about the relationship, she distracts you with sex. Anytime you bring up anything important, meaningful or critical, instead of talking about it or listening to you, she distracts you. With sex.
And anytime she wants something from you, she will use her body or sex to get it from you.
She’s self- centered
She only sees you when it’s convenient for her. She puts her own wants and needs above yours constantly. She will spend money on new shoes, but then claim she has no money for groceries (and then you might end up forking out money for her). She may even forget to do something really important that you asked her to do – like take your dog to the vet. She is the main priority of the relationship, and gets angry or upset (or may even just manipulate you) when she doesn’t get what she wants. It’s her way or the high way.
She tells you stories about noble things she has done but shows lack of empathy for those around her
She volunteered for an organization in Africa one time and she won’t let you forget it. She brings it up in conversation, still posts pictures of her with African kids on social media 10 years later, and tells you about all the amazing things she did in Africa to help humanity. Yet, she doesn’t seem to care about anyone except her pet cat and like five people. She is not concerned about the orphans in her own town, but she will harp on and on about how she helped the orphans in Africa… That ONE time. And she certainly hasn’t done much to show that she cares about you.
She basically wants you to believe that she is an amazing and caring person, but when it comes down to it, she just loves feeling like an amazing person. She gets off on being worshiped and idolized and will use what she can to get that admiration from you and those around her.
She’s cheated before
The biggest predictor that someone will cheat, is that they have cheated before. Why? Because if they have cheated before it means that their values do not prohibit them from doing so. It’s one thing to say you have certain values, but if you are not living it then you don’t really have it. She might spin a story of abuse or of how her cheating was a result of another person’s actions… don’t fall for the sob story. A cheater is still a cheater.
She blames others for her problems and does not respond well to criticism
Whether she cheated before, or did a really shitty thing to a past boyfriend or friend, or can’t seem to hold down a job – it’s never her fault. She is always the victim in every situation. Whenever things don’t work out the way she wants, she makes out that the people involved had it out for her. If someone dares to bring up an issue or criticize her, she will manipulate the situation so that she becomes the victim again.
Someone like this will never take responsibility for their actions, and so unless you want to be the next story of the ‘bad guy’ in her life, just take the hint and walk away now.
She leaves subtle hints about her true (and not so good) character
A friend of mine met a girl who told him that she had broken up with her previous boyfriend while he was in a hospital after something had happened to him. My friend was so besotted with her that he did not stop to think about what she was really saying. If he had really thought about it, he would have realized that ‘hey, this girl doesn’t actually care about anyone but herself.’ It took four years of him being strung along by her, and for her to try to sabotage his next relationship, for him to realize that this girl was bad news and only cares about herself.
People drop subtle hints about their character all the time. If someone mentions something awful that they have done but downplays it to sound funny or amusing, then take the hint. They may even say something like, “oh, but I would never do that to you.” to make you feel better about the situation. Read between the lines and trust your gut. If someone is making derogatory jokes about someone or a group of people, that’s another clear sign that the core of them is no good.
She keeps her ex’s around
She keeps her ex’s close – maybe not in proximity, but she’s still in contact with them in some way or another. She probably has a trail of men panting after her because she made them fall in love with her and continues to lead them on long after she’s done with them. She may tell you tales of how ‘so-and-so is so obsessed with me’ and make herself sound righteous at the same time. She may say something like “I told him its over, but he still won’t leave me alone.”
But the truth is that if a woman tells a man that its over, he usually leaves her alone. Guys will generally only continue to show admiration and persistence for a woman if she is leading him on.
You met her when you were in a vulnerable place
So your girlfriend just broke up with you. Or your marriage is in a bit of a vulnerable place. Or maybe you are feeling neglected and under-valued at home or at work. Perhaps a family member just passed away…. Whatever it is, you’re feeling pretty vulnerable. Then suddenly you meet her. Everything feels better again. She’s sexy and cute and somehow helps you to forget your sorrows. She’s not exactly a shoulder to cry on, but she makes you feel wanted sexually. She’s not demanding in any way and doesn’t give you a hard time for not picking your socks off the floor. You feel like she actually gets you, and it gets to the point where you think you love her after only a short amount of time of knowing her. At this point, you would do just about anything for this woman.
TREAD CAREFULLY. If she is displaying these traits, then she is just taking advantage of your vulnerability to get what she wants from you.
She does nothing/ you do all the work
You are putting in all the effort and she does nothing. You suggest making dinner together, but you do all the cooking. You find yourself somehow paying for everything that you do together. She has a problem with her car? Somehow you’re the guy fixing it. But she does nothing for you. She makes you feel like the effort is mutual by giving you sex, but when you think about it she actually hasn’t done very much. She shows no signs that she cares about you – even if she says she does. She’s emotionally unavailable and doesn’t want to talk about the relationship, your bad day or anything serious.
This girl gets off on the knowledge that she can get you to do anything for her. She uses guys like you to get things like free dinners, free car work and free tickets to shows she loves … and she loves the fact that she has you wrapped around her little finger.
She leaves you with a feeling of overwhelming lust and/or awe.
“Wow, what a woman!” Is the reaction most men feel when they meet her. She awakens something in you that makes you want to drop everything and go running into her arms… or bed. She comes across as the nicest, sweetest, sexiest woman you have ever met. She makes you feel like a man again. When you leave her presence, you still think about her constantly and you feel you can’t think straight. Your feelings for her overwhelm you, as does the lust. She makes sure you know that she is your dream girl and will play on all of your dreams and fantasies while maintaining an image of sweetness and ‘innocence’ (even though she is extremely provocative). She will make a connection with you by claiming she has similar interests to you, and she will use this to build a false sense of intimacy and trust with you. She will come across as almost faultless. You won’t be able to get her out of your head and she becomes almost like an obsession to you.
BEWARE! Narcissists and sociopaths are very talented when it comes to the art of seduction. They know exactly what men want to feel, and how to make them feel it. But be careful, this is a mirage. This kind of woman will manipulate you by playing on your feelings, interests, and lust to use you for her own gain.